Workplace guerrilla

Leaving home

At the bus stop

On the bus

At work

What I've learnt so far:

• choose your gorilla mask carefully
• children are much friendlier to strange gorillas than strange people
• adults like to know whose inside and are generous to gorillas
• people are more surprised by a gorilla when the lift doors open than a gorilla appearing beside their desk
• wise gorillas carry safety pins.

Making the hat fit

The project I am working on has decided to have a Hat Day on Friday. We've never had one before and I'd like to participate but I'm out of the office on a training course so I've just sent out the following email (workplace identifying details removed):

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Hat Day in absentia - for Wellington Women's Refuge

On Thursday and Friday I am out of the office on a training course and I would still like to participate in the Hat Day but with a twist - I am offering to wear a hat to my course for a good cause - Women's Refuge.

If the total sponsorship pledges I have received by email by 5pm Thursday 24 May are:

• pathetic (i.e. <$5) I will wear a slightly silly hat for 1 hour during the course
• supportive (i.e. $5 to $40) I will wear a slightly silly hat for the duration of the course on Friday
• very supportive (i.e. $40.01 to $150) I will wear a fairly silly hat for the duration of the course on Friday
• amazingly generous (i.e. >$150) I will wear a pretty ridiculous hat for the duration of the course on Friday

I will collect the pledged money upon my return to work on Wednesday 29 May. I will endeavour to supply photographic evidence and signed confirmation from the course facilitator.

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I'm feeling smug with this solution to my dilemma.

And if you, my lovely reader, want to sponsor this silliness for a worthy cause you may, the deadline is Thursday 5pm NZST. You can make your sponsorship donation by credit card at the NZ Women's Refuge site online and just email me the amount.

Time flies off to school

I just got an email from the local school which says:

H_ and K_ are now on our list to start school next year. I will send you an information book and [the new entrant teacher] will contact you later in the year to arrange school visits. There will be 3 visits at different times in the day. If you wish to make an appointment with [the principal] and have a look around the school please contact us to arrange a time.

I feel shocked: How did my babies get to be so old? How did I get to be this person? Why am I surprised? What will I put in their lunch boxes?

Can I help you have your babies?

Reading the updates a friend blogged while she was in labour made me really realise how much I'd like to be a support person at a birth again.

So if you're pregnant in Wellington and would like another support person let me know. I'm experienced, knowledgeable and caring.

Experience:

• Support person for one home and one hospital birth.
• Laboured for many hours and gave birth to twins via caesarian (my birth story is here).

Knowledge:

• Attended BirthWise antenatal classes (twice!)
• Read avidly about pregnancy and birth while pregnant.

Attitude:

• I believe that the role of a support person is to do whatever you choose in a respectful, steadfast and friendly way.
  
• Labour and birth are one of the most intimate, physical, mental and spiritual things that we can experience.
• Natural birth is the aim but a healthy mother and baby are far more important.

If you like to meet to chat about it let me know (ruthlessly at gmail dot com) and if you choose to invite me to be your support person I would be honoured.

10 lies about our happy marriage

1. It is easy and we've never had to work at it.
2. We never disagree.
3. Humour is not important.
4. It would be better if we didn't spend time with just the two of us. I regret having a regular babysitter once a week, it isn't worth the money.
5. It's all about sex.
6. I haven't read Love in the Real World by Rhonda Pritchard and I wouldn't recommend it.
7. I've been an easy, undemanding, low-maintenance spouse with consistently realistic expectations. D has it easy.
8. Talking to a therapist made me realise that it is all about making D change and that nagging and constant criticism help.
9. Love at first sight, a public proposal, quick engagement and celibacy before marriage are the building blocks for a sound marriage like ours.
10. We don't have a happy marriage.

I can see clearly now

Since I've started wearing reading glasses:

• I am much more conscious of the bridge of my nose.
• I am developing a whole new set mannerisms (like taking them off and waving them at people while I talk).
• I keep being at meetings where everyone is wearing glasses.
• All my friends have got wrinklier.

Bespectacled

I've just got my first ever glasses (for reading) so if I seem both more intelligent and less like a superhero you'll understand.

I looked up glasses on Wikipedia which led me down the following strange paths:

• meganekko: "females who wear glasses, especially when it is considered their most attractive trait"
• glasses fetishism

Who knew?

[Updated as the second bullet point got lost in virtual wilderness.]

Walking with cats

As you can see our model has accessorised her professional outfit this morning with a dab of breakfast by the collar. This is an eye catching look which can be achieved simply and in a wide variety of fetching styles to suit your mood. And in the wise words of my big sister: egg is better worn on the sleeve, with the heart, than on the face.

Too cute

I was in bed this morning when H & K came in.

K: H, remember, you were going to give me lots of cuddles.
H cuddles K awkwardly because of the cramped space.
H: Come into the lounge.
H & K exeunt holding hands to cuddle where there is more space.

In which I support Labour

A friend is in labour.

On TV no one is ever unclear about whether they are in labour, they never wobble in and out of labour indecisively over days and days or have contractions every evening for a week. This isn't what makes me rant at the screen, it is the way they nearly always give birth on their backs which really pisses me off.

For sane information about birthing positions you can check this out. If anyone wants to hear an irrational rant about it just let me know.