Not the figgy pudding

Christmas has been lovely with delighted small people enjoying presents. My mother gave me Richard Attenborough's Life in Cold Blood for my birthday and right now I feel a strong empathy with snakes.

Merry Christmas all.

We only bite the ones we love

As a child I was a biter. Some kids hit, some pull hair, some pinch, I bit. Chomp. I probably bit my sister more than anyone else: she was there more than anyone else.

For the last several years she and I have been going to the same dentist but he only just discovered we are related. When she asked about family resemblances he said:

I didn't think the bites were similar, no, no, Ruth has a bite like noone else on Earth.

Public service announcement

If you're in Wellington and have been meaning to go to a first aid course and not getting around to it then join me at the NZ Red Cross comprehensive first aid course on 15 and 16 October. You can book at www.redcross.org.nz or by ringing 499 5827.

Winter whining

Where have I been? What have I been doing? Well mostly I haven't been posting because D has commandeered my lovely little laptop and turned it into a thing that is plugged into a huge screen I can't sit far enough away from which makes a horrible high pitched whining noise. And we all had awful 'flu. And I have new lenses in my glasses and I think they are not quite right.

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As we drove back from the library today H listed all the things she thought of in order from most to least liked:

1. Mummy [:-)]
   
2. lego
3. Pony [Kay's new toy]
   
4. star [??]
   
5. doing sudoku with Daddy
6. Big Pig
   
7. Fimble [her buddy]
   
8. pink
9. chocolate [to eat]
   
10. yellow
11. purple
12. indigo
13. orange
14. blue
15. black
16. grey
17. brown
18. clear
19. ice cream
20. bananas
21. mosquitoes
22. planes
23. sun [because it makes her too hot]

Wrongo, zombie lips!

For a few years I have been telling people that it is now legal to park on the wrong side of the road here (facing in the opposite direction to the flow of traffic). I thought I'd read something about a law change to this effect in the paper. I was wrong, it is still illegal and you can be ticketed for it.

Now I know that one of my failings as a human being is an overdeveloped attachment to being right, so I hereby give you, my gentle reader, a chance to tell me what I've got wrong and I'll 'fess up or at least try very hard to understand your point of view and agree to differ.

P.S. Does anyone know where the quote "Wrongo, zombie lips!" is from? Trusty Google is letting me down.

We're all going on a ^ autumn holiday

We're off on the ferry tomorrow am, staying tomorrow night in Kaikoura, then down to Christchurch 'til Friday and back again. We're staying in Christchurch with lovely friends who have two older children who like entertaining H & K. The last time we went away for a week I remember it as the holiday of being vomited on. Hopefully this one will be better.

Who knows, while we are away I might even put finger to keyboard and release the blog entries milling about in my head. One is "Depilated/dilapidated" and the other is about dressing like a colour-blind old feminist.

I'm a little teapot

A friend just posted about being thinner and it has finally driven me to blog after a long hiatus caused by sunshine, too much TV and not enough cafenet.

I am fat. I have a BMI of about 40 which puts me on the borderline between "clinically obese" and "morbidly obese". I am fat because:

• I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). PCOS has metabolic effects. These effects mean that I gain weight very easily and retain it when someone with a normal metabolism would lose it.
  
• For a many years I was taking drugs for PCOS which had weight gain as a side effect. Although I have been off the drugs for over a year it is hard to lose the weight I gained (see above).
  
• I like food. In particular I eat takeaways a couple of times a week, too much chocolate and slightly too large portions particularly of carbohydrate rich foods.

When I started playing Ultimate I was hopeful that I'd lose some weight. Since August I have been doing strenuous physical exercise for a hour a couple of times a week as well as less strenuous exercise a couple of times a week. I have got noticeably fitter and developed muscles I didn't have before but not any lighter.

I try and tell myself that fitness is more important than fatness. Certainly from a health point of view being overweight and fit is better for you than being unfit with a 'normal' BMI. I also remind myself that my blood pressure is excellent, I have no signs of insulin resistance and no other weight related health issues. But fatness is what you can see and our society is not kind to fat people.

Fat is the stigma I wear.

We are the champions

Last week my Ultimate Frisbee team Happy Creature played Jason V's Team and they beat us by nearly 20 points. This week when I found out we were playing them again I felt demoralised. But we had a fabulous game. Everyone put in an astonishing effort. Our captain, SK, seemed to have an extra couple of feet of reach to call on. The final score was Jason V's Team 11, Happy Creature 7. Reducing the margin to 4 points feels like a great victory and if that wasn't enough their team named me female MVP.

I may have a BMI close to 40, run like a penguin with a face a beetroot would be proud of but today I am a sports star. I am expecting to be asked for celebrity endorsements any moment.

At the age of thirty-six years eleven months and twenty-nine days

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be listening to Marianne Faithfull singing The Ballad of Lucy Jordon with the volume turned up loud:

At the age of thirty-seven she realised she'd never
Ride through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in her hair.
So she let the phone keep ringing and she sat there softly singing
Little nursery rhymes she'd memorised in her daddy's easy chair.

You, meanwhile, will be leaving a comment on this blog to wish me happy birthday. If you want a theme for your comment you can tell me something that you're glad you have done before the age of thirty-seven.

Please.

Book stick

I stole this stick from clarityburntime.

1. You’re stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book do you want to be?
One that is loved enough to be memorised. (I haven't actually read Fahrenheit 451 but...)

2. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Often while reading and in the afterglow of a good book.

3. The last book you bought is:
I bought The Tiger Who Came to Tea by Judith Kerr for a third birthday present and before that My Heart Goes Swimming: New Zealand Love Poems, and Dear To Me: 100 New Zealanders Write About Their Favourite Poems which inspired my leaving work poetry appeal.

4. The last book you finished is:
Ten in the Bed by Penny Dale (the board book version). I haven't been finishing adult books recently, just starting them. I think the last I finished was The Other Wind by Ursula Le Guin, the sixth in the Earthsea Series. Despite them being highly recommended to me for as long as my reading age has been up to it I only started the series this year, they lived up to my high expectations.

5. What are you currently reading?
D is reading The Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson aloud to me before we go to sleep. I love being read to and I feel very lucky every time it happens.

On my bedside table I have bookmarks in: Dear To Me, Life of Pi by Yann Martel, Small Holes In The Silence by Patricia Grace, The Rough Guide to Climate Change by Robert Henson, The Fountain of Tears by Stephanie de Montalk, Are Angels OK?: The Parallel Universes of New Zealand Writers and Scientists and The Halstead Treasury of Ancient Science Fiction. Fortunately most of these are short pieces or non-fiction which can cope well with a long break in the middle. Life of Pi is the exception.

I am also reading The Complete Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne to H and K, and the very beautiful Fairy Tales by Berlie Doherty and Jane Ray which is K's current favourite. It is wonderful reading Winnie-the-Pooh to people who have never met the jokes before and find them hilarious.

6. Five books you would take to a desert island.
Is this the kind of desert island where I need the book with the biggest covers I can think of for shade, the bulkiest book drenched in water to quench my thirst, the most nutritious book to eat, a book of matches to light a fire and a fishing book with a two free hooks?

Assuming the desert island has a luxurious resort which caters for all my other needs including entertainment for H & K, I'll take a bunch of books I haven't read but want to: the Life of Pi to finish, My Heart Goes Swimming for romance, Red Mars by Kim Stanley Robinson because I've heard it's good and I'm interested in the politics of terraforming, Captain Nemo by K.J. Anderson which D wants to return, and Of course I love you... NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM! by Diane Levy which I have been meaning to read for ages.

And then I remember that one is generally assumed to be stranded for a very long time on fictional desert islands not just on holiday and, after putting aside worrying about either being separated from or having to educate H and K, I think maybe I should bring some more sustaining things: an encyclopaedia to feed my love of trivia, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis because they will survive much re-reading, Dear To Me for some great poems, an omnibus edition of Kim Stanley Robinson's Mars Trilogy to keep the wolf from the door, and a guide to the local flora and fauna to answer my curiosity.

7.Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
JK and i because they both love to read and sometimes do memes and I'll leave the last invite temptingly open to anyone who wants it.

The poetry of leaving

I just sent out an email to everyone in the company where I work. It said:

Subj: Ruth __'s Leaving Poetry Appeal

After 13 years I am leaving [this company] on 14 September. Instead of collecting money for a gift, I have been inspired by the Amnesty International book Dear To Me (which has 100 famous New Zealanders' favourite poems and the reasons they like them) to gather together your favourite poems, which I will turn into a single edition book. This will be a reminder not just of my time at [this company] but the people who make [this company] special.

To take part, please email me your favourite poem or a link to it, and a short note explaining why you like it or why it's significant to you. All donations will be gratefully accepted, even from those of you I don't know and have never had the pleasure of working with.

I enjoy good poetry and I am looking forward to the results but here I will confess that one of the reasons I did it is that I enjoy playing with engineers' minds.

Feeling quizical

I am Ireland.

Mystical and rain-soaked, you remain mysterious to many people, and this makes you intriguing. You also like a good night at the pub, though many are just as worried that you will blow up the pub as drink your beverage of choice. You're good with words, remarkably lucky, and know and enjoy at least fifteen ways of eating a potato. You really don't like snakes.

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

And in case you doubt the wisdom of the internet: baked, mashed, roast, hot chips, chippies,
stuffed, croquettes, scalloped, in salad, hash browns, home fries, french fries, leek and potato soup, boiled, gnocchi.

I am Watership Down!
by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Andy Knackstedt is my star

I have a confession to make: I am an Andy Knackstedt fan girl.

It is worse than that, one of the things that led me to set up this blog nearly a year ago was a desire to post this and see if I got other Andy Knackstedt fans commenting. In fact what I'd like someone else to set up an Andy Knackstedt fan site. I'm too embarrassed to do it myself. If there is one already please send me a link.

Now the question on some of your minds will be: who is Andy Knackstedt? He is spokesperson for Land Transport NZ and before that was spokesperson for the LTSA. He appears in the news saying sensible things like "carrying groceries or dead animals in your car does not make it a hearse" with deadpan humour and a twinkle in his eye.

The other question you have may be: why Andy Knackstedt? Well there is all those usual things - appears to be good looking, intelligent and have a sense of humour, and I don't have to deal with him as a real human being. (I'd show you a picture but google has failed me.) But why not a movie or pop star? Why spokesperson for a government department? Well, I don't know, but I think the fact he seems more like someone I'd have something in common with is appealing.

I've happily considered Andy Knackstedt to be thinking woman's crumpet for several years but occasionally reality intrudes. My problem is not that he disappoints but that he appears. You see, there may be six degrees of separation between a Maasai cattle herder and me, but it is all I can do to maintain two degrees of separation to Andy Knackstedt, any less and I feel I need to start thinking of him with a greater degree of circumspection.

Meme for the moment

After seeing the clockworkfish's results I decided to do the Serenity (Firefly) Personality Test.

My results:

You am Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)

Honest and a defender of the innocent. You sometimes make mistakes in judgment but you are generally good and would protect your crew from harm.

Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)		75%
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)		65%
Wash (Ship Pilot)		65%
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)		60%
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)		55%
River (Stowaway)		55%
Inara Serra (Companion)		50%
Alliance		40%
Derrial Book (Shepherd)		35%
A Reaver (Cannibal)		30%
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)		25%

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz

A good days work

At the final count I raised:

$2,758.60

for Wellington Women's Refuge. (The explanation is here and here.)

It is amazing what a whim can achieve.

In other good news the time limit for the nanny we fired to raise a personal grievance against us has now passed.

I'm thinking of going to The King and the Clown tonight to celebrate.

Can I help you have your babies?

Reading the updates a friend blogged while she was in labour made me really realise how much I'd like to be a support person at a birth again.

So if you're pregnant in Wellington and would like another support person let me know. I'm experienced, knowledgeable and caring.

Experience:

• Support person for one home and one hospital birth.
• Laboured for many hours and gave birth to twins via caesarian (my birth story is here).

Knowledge:

• Attended BirthWise antenatal classes (twice!)
• Read avidly about pregnancy and birth while pregnant.

Attitude:

• I believe that the role of a support person is to do whatever you choose in a respectful, steadfast and friendly way.
  
• Labour and birth are one of the most intimate, physical, mental and spiritual things that we can experience.
• Natural birth is the aim but a healthy mother and baby are far more important.

If you like to meet to chat about it let me know (ruthlessly at gmail dot com) and if you choose to invite me to be your support person I would be honoured.

Bespectacled

I've just got my first ever glasses (for reading) so if I seem both more intelligent and less like a superhero you'll understand.

I looked up glasses on Wikipedia which led me down the following strange paths:

• meganekko: "females who wear glasses, especially when it is considered their most attractive trait"
• glasses fetishism

Who knew?

[Updated as the second bullet point got lost in virtual wilderness.]

What I want to be when I grow up

I'm not clear about what I want to do when I grow up but there have been a few times in my life I have had an absolutely clear vision of what I want to be like. This is about two of those times.

The first time I remember was when I was 12. When I think of it I always have a very strong memory of the exact place - sitting on the toilet at my grandma's house. I can see the turquiose walls and light filtering through the frosted louvres. The curtains moving in the light breeze. Slightly cold but comfortable. The smells of lavender and disinfectant.

In that place, at that time, I decided that I wanted to be popular and have lots of friends. I wanted to be the kind of person that people wanted to be friends with.

When I was 18 at university I realised that I'd acheived that 12 year-olds goal. I was popular. I had lots of friends and I was one of the people who everyone wanted to know. (It helped that "everyone" was a bunch of 19 year-old male comp sci students and I had the winning combination of brains and breasts.)

The second time I want to tell you about happened years later, about 1998. I went to a friend's parents' house and met her father. He in his fifties and was pottering around wearing support stockings and had an oxygen tube up his nose. Despite that, in less than five minutes of trivial converstation he managed to come across as confident, sincere, sensible, warm and interested in me. He had presence. I decided - I want to be like that.

Later I found out he was a manager at a bank. It made sense - he seemed like a person it would be nice to work for. I also realised then that some of the things that I wanted to be were things that good managers are.

Sometimes these days I have that presence.

Join the nerd herd

I took a test and I'm officially a:

Modern, Cool Nerd
73 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 39% Dork

According to the test:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

I scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning me the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

It goes on to say:

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis(needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

The test tracked 3 variables which compare me to other people my age and gender:

I scored higher than 99% on nerdiness
I scored higher than 99% on geekosity
I scored higher than 99% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos

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Now I know that some of you who read this are similar in age, gender and some or all of nerdosity, geekiness and dork points - you need to take this test to help make their data set more representative.

Ordinary person, extraordinary powers

Normally I am one of those super efficient people who mere mortals either avoid or are organised by. Currently the combined forces of the alignment of the planets, a scientific experiment gone wrong, radioactivity from my glow in the dark alarm clock, D being away for two weeks, not having a permanent nanny, H, K and my temporary nanny having colds, and being overloaded at work have turned me into Flakey Woman.

Flakey Woman has special powers. These include:

• causing technology to malfunction (my cellphone, laptop and blogger)
• losing small important things (my watch and driver's license)
• forgetting appointments (one yesterday and one today)
• driving slowly and gently into another car
• forgetting to call people back.

Unfortunately I don't have glasses so I can't nonchalantly put them back on.